I slid myself into the car and shut the door. I took the fall jacket that was wrapped tightly around me and unzipped it. This gave me more room to reach forward and plug my IPOD into the dashboard compartment. I sighed and started my car, hitting next again and again. Every song seemed to remind me of him. Why? Why couldn’t I just forget, and move on?

I slammed my hands down on the steering wheel as I pulled out of the parking lot of my work. I finally settled on a song; it still brought back memories, but I couldn’t drive in silence. Music was in my soul. He put the music in my soul. He introduced me to so many things, things I never wanted to forget, but I would have to if I wanted to keep him out of my mind. I was obviously out of his, or he wouldn’t have left me without a word, without a word to anyone really. He was just, gone.

I pushed down harder on the pedal; I was now more eager to get home than ever. I watched the colorful leaves fly up from under my speeding tires and rush by my windows. I saw the sidewalks running by me with kids on their bikes, and the high ranch houses were beautiful. Most people wouldn’t expect a young girl like me to live in a place like this without a family of my own, but what could I say? The families surrounding my home made me feel, well, at home. I never fit in well with the whole partying scene that was my age group; I was more interested in studying and babysitting and doing mature things. He was more interested in going out with friends and going to clubs. I toned him down, and he spurred up my life. We balanced each other out, but now with him gone I was back to boring old me.

My car rolled up to a stop sign and paused. I wiped a tear from my eye when I heard giggling. I realized that I had left my window open, and I turned to watch the scene playing out next to me. The little boy and girl reminded me of him and myself when we were just children. The girl looked about four with beautiful blonde pigtails and such an excited disposition. She was running around like she was a superhero, making “swooshing” noises as she ran around the green lawn. The little boy had dark brown hair and looked about five. He was sitting on the ground watching her and laughing, not at her but with her. They both laughed and laughed; the boy stood and started chasing her, yelling he was the villain.

Hesitantly I pulled forward again, leaving the children in my wake. I made a left and two rights and pulled up to another stop sign. Curious, I turned my head again to look out the window. I saw yet another version of him and me from when we were younger. This girl had flaming red hair and looked to be about seventeen. The guy next to her seemed to be about her age, maybe older. He had on a thick leather jacket and sunglasses over his eyes. He was chewing gum as he threw his head back and squinted at the sun, his elbows resting behind him on the ground as the rest of his body lay flat on the lawn. He chewed his gum angrily as the girl sat next to him, her legs crossed under her, pulling at the grass. I was surprised to see the guy slam his hand down on the ground, get up, and walk away. The girl covered her face with her hands and didn’t move as he walked off her property.

I wanted to pull the car over and walk over to the girl. I wanted to tell her that I knew what it was like to have a guy you cared about leave you like that. I wanted to sympathize, but I knew it wasn’t my place. I had to get home, and she had to move on. I sighed, yet again, and pulled forward. As I was driving I heard loud laughing and cans banging. I opened my window more to see and listen. There was a convertible next to me with a beautiful dark-haired man in a tux and a glowing blonde bride. They both looked into each others eyes with such love and intimacy I almost felt intrusive watching them. He pulled her hand to his face and kissed it softly. She blushed and giggled. When they noticed my car keeping time with theirs they smiled and honked the horn. I grinned and honked back, yelling a ‘congratulations’ out the window.

Finally I seemed to make it home, and I pulled into my driveway. I unplugged my IPOD from the cord and shoved it into the back of my jeans. I stepped out of my Mustang and a gust of wind sent a chill up my spine; I pulled my jacket tighter around my middle. Putting my car keys in my jacket pocket, I pulled out my house key. I was fingering the cold metal, and I didn’t notice until I had reached my porch. “You…” I whispered. He looked up and smiled, somewhat sadly. “Yeah, me,” he said. He looked really good in his dark-washed jeans, t-shirt, dark leather jacket, and designer sunglasses. His hair, as usual, was perfectly styled. I remembered the kids on the street, the teenagers, and the married couple. That should have all been us. I longed to stay children forever or even teenagers if it would mean he would never leave me again. The married couple should have been us. I always wanted that life with him. Of course I loved him, but we were best friends first. How could I ever try to forget that?

“I never stopped thinking about you,” he whispered as he stepped closer to me. His guitar calloused hand touched my cheek softly as he kissed my forehead. “I’ll always love you, and you know that,” I said closing my eyes and leaning into his touch, “Please don’t use it against me; please don’t hurt me.” He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me, I dropped my keys to the ground as tears sprang from my eyes, and I hugged him back. “I’ll never hurt you,” he whispered, his own tears falling into my hair, “Never again. I love you,” and with that he kissed me.

I was whole again.